Friday, January 23, 2015

Unfinished Canvas

So again it's been time to reassess life... again. (Lately I've become rather good at it.)

As of late I'm not going to lie I feel like I'm being bombarded by everyone's voices again,  "Tommy you should do,  blah blah ble-blah-bluu" or the, "I'm positive this is what you have to do because I am the all knowing (insert whatever whitty caption comes to mind.)"


This past July I clearly remember God reminding me what to do, and in all honesty I've been taking my steps to get there but at my own pace. So in typical Tommy fashion I will admitt I've been having my distractions and I start to jump on and off the path.  I see opportunities given to me like starting to brew my own beer (which really excites me actually), trying to start a new band, go and write poetry and blogs, learn to work in a machine shop and make lots of money, and as great as these things look and sound NONE and I mean NONE of them seem to give me that idea of fulfillment. (As much as I would love to be in a band again, and making money knowing I'll have that comfort.)

Here I am again. Wondering what the heck Tommy?

And I think about it again, and again, and again.

So I have a confession to make. As an artist I have maybe only finished seven or eight paintings I've started. Because of this I literally have a floor full of half finished canvases or a quarter of the way done.

Every time I see these I'm reminded of what I was going through or thinking at the time. The ones where I was hurting, ones where I was confused, ones where I was lost, ones where I was glad, and ones where I was inspired.

And I think to myself will I ever finish any of these?

Everytime the answer is no.

I think of life and people will say well why not do all of these things?  Why not just settle and combine what you love? In all honesty I can say because that's not what God asks me to do.

Like the unfinished canvas on the floor my life was not confined to just one idea to be maintained in a single image, but to one purpose that needs to be fulfilled which can be seen through the process of getting there.

I know I can thank God for that.

So as I press on I know I'll keep striving because that's part of my process, I know I can keep loving because it's what I'm called to do, and in time I will be working at (a) church. But for now I'll keep going on, and that's a promise.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Post Title or Another Routine?

So a few weeks ago I'll admit it I was feeling depressed (Thank you Holiday seasons)
But while I knew it had crept up on me I felt a certain satisfaction knowing it was there.
Now I'm not saying knowing I can be depressed brings me joy, but at the same time it kindly reminds I'm human (sadly I'm not a super hero as some would think), and sometimes it's okay to be sad. So as I awaited those holiday blues I looked him square in the eyes and smiled right back.  Then this came to mind. So I hope you enjoy this and I haven't thought of a name.

I'm sick 'n tired of the same routine
Something good comes along
And I'm looking ruin it                        
I've chased my dreams for far to long
As they all burnt out
I'm trying to ignite what's inside myself        

Laying in my room                              
and nothing to show for it        

My demons hold me down
as the world wraps it's hands
tighter around my neck.

The least I'll do is wipe this smile from my face!    

I've been here I've been here        
There's nothing new to me
And I know, we all know
You want to see us kick and scream
I'll do my best not to laugh
But that's promise in contrast
Because the beauty's in laughter
Brought by pain.